The Farm Blahg

2008-11-16T17:32:00.004-08:00

It doesn't feel like things are getting any better.

How can this be?

Do you think things are hard for Wendy too, or do you think she just doesn't care?

Wyatt passed out on the toilet yesterday.

Mike heard a big thud and went to the door and knocked.

No response.

He opened the door and there was Wy on the floor with a bloody lip.

He said he was pushing to hard and must have forgot to breathe.

Mike thinks Wy may be lactose intolerant.

Anyone know anything about that?

Does it make you constipated and absent minded towards breathing?

I wonder what the deal is with being constipated around here.

Remember a month or so ago when I thought Gizmo had a stroke but it turned out he was constipated?

Maybe Gizmo's lactose intolerant too.

We let Pearl out of her playpen and into the barnyard yesterday.

It's official, she's a real pig now.

If she were a Native American pig her name would be "Runs With Ducks".

She's having loads of fun frolicking with the flock (and the goats)

Yesterday was the worst birthday of Mikes life.

Worst celebratory day of his whole life secondary only to the Fathers day I forgot two years ago.

I didn't forget his birthday yesterday, I just didn't care.

Isn't that HORRIBLE.

I suck at multitasking stress and despair.

I should have been able to suck it up long enough to honor the day of my husbands birth, but I couldn't.

I spent the entire day in my extremely uncomfortable emotional coma eating crackers and watching CNN.

The election is over and Wendy is gone.

I have to deal with this.

Oh my Gawd.

Do you see how I roll?

I was telling you about how I flaked out on my spouses birthday and go right back to talking about myself.

I'll have to plan a surprise birthday for him in April to make things right.

I hope he doesn't read this, I'd hate to ruin the surprise, although odds are I'll have forgotten all about it come April.

Remind me of this plan in five months would you...

2008-11-13T08:24:00.002-08:00

I wasn't really fishin'.

Ten months ago my 24 year old daughter made a heartfelt confession to our family.

She was an alcoholic.

She had received a DUI and her drinking and her life was out of control.

When we moved to Oregon in 2006 to care for my Grandparents she stayed in Washington and entered into a downward spiral with alcohol, but did an excellent job of keeping it from us.

She had done time in jail and led me to believe the reason she hadn't called or been in contact for over a week, was because she had lost her cell phone.

I believed her.

When she reached out to family last January her life was so out of control it scared us all, and the part that was most frightening was that none of us had a clue.

She wanted to get sober and believed with the love and support of her family she could do it.

Mike went to Washington, packed her up and moved her down and she settled into the little house next door.

She got a job, she went to treatment and things were looking up

But, as you know if you have been a reader for the last month or so, Wendy has a new boyfriend that I don't approve of and it has put quite a strain on our relationship.

She has all but moved out of her little house here on the farm to stay with "Bob" and his parents.

Last Saturday morning at 7:00 am I received a call from her boss asking if she was here. She hadn't shown up for work and there had been no call.

I assumed she had over slept and decided to give her an hour.

I called back at 8:00 and still no word from Wendy.

I loaded Wyatt up in the car and drove to town. Wyatt had been to "Bobs" once and thought he may be able to remember where he lived.

He got us to the neighborhood and in time we found the house.

We found Wendy at 9:00a still drunk from the night before and when I explained to her that she had more than likely lost her job she didn't care.

She told me she was an adult and she was in love and I couldn't tell her what to do.

It seems over the last six days I have lost my daughter.

I look in her eyes and all I see is a lost soul.

We are practicing tough love, but honest to God I'm not sure who it's tougher on. The person overtaken by alcohol living within their own denial that everything is fine, or the people that love them trying to keep together the pieces of a breaking heart.

I will start attending Al-Anon and doing what I can to cling to some kind of normalcy at home, but for now, I feel like I'm losing not just my daughter but my mind as well.

I will not be blogging until some more numbness sets in, because the only thing on my mind right now is the insanity of our life.

Peas Out

2008-11-10T06:03:00.001-08:00

Be back soon...

My Wy

2008-11-07T06:14:00.005-08:00

Does it make me a bad person to want to home school Wy?

It's not that I think I can do a better job than the teachers, as a matter of fact I don't think I would do a very good job at all.

It's just that I like having him around and I know there will come a time soon when I don't really care for him like Wendy and he'll start to smell funny, so I want to enjoy every minute of him while he's wonderful.

I suppose that's not the best idea though because when he does become a pain in the ass it would be even worse if he was a stinky uneducated ignorant pain in the ass.

Maybe I should go back to school with him.

Since I quit school when I was about his age, it wouldn't hurt to go back for a refresher.

We could spend recess and lunch together.

Then again, maybe I should just get a life.

Oh well, he's mine until Monday.

If I have a monument in this world, it is my son.
-- Maya Angelou

Growing Pains

2008-11-06T06:02:00.006-08:00

Wyatt has been having growing pains for the last month or so and I haven't thought much about it.

When he woke up Monday morning he couldn't walk down the stairs.

He. Could. Not. Walk.

I freaked out, (imagine that) figured he had polio and immediately started mentally fitting him for a metal brace.

After I had him sized up I cracked the phone book in search of a pediatrician.

Wyatt has never been to the doctor.

Well yes he has, but the last time was for his well baby check.

I always took him to the health department across from where I worked downtown for his immunizations, and he's never been sick, so he never had a reason to see a doctor.

If we were still in Washington I would just call his baby doctor, Dr.Les, (isn't that funny, we went from Dr Les to doctorless) but now we're in Oregon, so who do I call...

I find out that the Oregon's Children Hospital has an office in the same building as my shoulder doctor, since I know where that is, thats where we're going.

So I call.

I asked the lady if they were taking new patients.

She asked me if we had insurance.

I said yes.

She asked what kind.

I said Teamsters.

She said a doctor could see us at 1:00.

I wonder what time during the month of never we would have been able to see the doctor if we didn't have insurance.

The good news is, Wyatt does not have polio and will not be needing a metal brace.

He has planters faciitis and will be wearing orthodics.

The tendon between the ball of his foot and his heel is to short because his arch is to high and he's growing to fast.

So he's home from school this week and we're keeping his foot wrapped with sport tape and he's popping ibuprofen every four hours and things seem to be looking up.

Wendy brought her boyfriend over last week.

I don't think he was drunk the first time I met him, I think he's just "short bus."

How do you tell the difference between chemically and mentally impaired?

Anywho, thats all that's new with me.

The Day After

2008-11-05T05:27:00.003-08:00

A M A Z I N G.

Last night, I witnessed history.
It was an overwhelming experience that has changed the way I view my country.

I think John McCain gave the finest speech of his entire campaign.
He was calm, honorable and sincere, and I feel that is the true John McCain.
I admire him very much.

Last night I cried.
It was a cry that washed over me and took me by surprise.

We are the lucky ones.
To live in a time that will forever be remembered.

Big Day

2008-11-04T05:55:00.003-08:00

Ok, if anybody needs me today I'll be laid out on the couch watching the returns come in jacked up on Mt.Dew and Pop-Tarts.
If I'm not suffering from an election hangover I'll be back tomorrow.

Go Team!

hmmmmm.....

2008-11-01T16:42:00.001-07:00

I wonder if Mr Parks ever feels like this....

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:43:00.004-07:00

To Ewe and Ewe and Ewe!

Reliving The Past

2008-10-30T12:18:00.003-07:00

I swear, I must have the dullest life in the universe.

I talk about dogs, donkeys, family and food.

Usually this time of year I would be crafting for the holidays and have all kinds of projects to talk about.

Crochet, rag rugging or some other white trash craft I have thought up, but this year, I got nothin.

I have been reading a little bit but nothing exciting like the twilight series, just used books that I pick up at the GoodWill that by now are years out of favor.

See, that's how boring I am, I don't even read new books.

So here's the shocking part of this scenario.

I love my life.

I dig dull.

For so many years everything was action packed with work, kids and husbands and now things move pretty slow with the same familiar spouse, one child at home, dogs, donkeys and other barnyard fodder.

I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing, and although we may be cash impaired, I feel as though I am truly life rich.

I was thinking last night while I was lying awake considering the pros and cons of amputating my right arm about what an interesting life I've had, and tossed around the idea of sharing some stories, but I have to wonder if anyone really wants to walk down memory lane with a trailerpark princess.

Here are some possible tittles of future posts...

Can I wear my wedding dress to the Prom?

Dating after divorce. Advice from an expert.

Children raising children. Beat the high cost of daycare by spacing out your children.

Double your fun in a double-wide.

Obviously these are just a few, I could go on for days but I won't.

What do you think?

Dinner For One

2008-10-29T16:30:00.003-07:00

I just got home from Wyatts's citizen of the month awards ceremony.

Ahhh, it is a proud moment in a mothers life.

Wendy came to pick me up and we drove there together and then after dropping me at home, she and Wy continued on to town to to catch High School Musical 3 and then dinner out.

So.

Do you know what that means????

That means I am h o m e a l o n e.

Thats right ladies, it's just me and the dogs in this big ol' quiet house.

Mike is at work until at least ten and Wen and Wy won't be home till' after eight.

I will eat ice cream for dinner and let the dogs wash the bowl.

I will drink milk from the jug and lick peanut butter from my fingertips.

I will take a shower and walk naked down the hall.

I can do anything I want because I am ALONE and what I say goes.

I gotta go, I'm wasting precious time.

See ya tomorrow!

Let Me bestow This Upon You

2008-10-27T10:51:00.005-07:00

Look what Zanders Mom gave to me today!

She and that kid of hers TOTALLY rock my blogging world : )

I love reading her posts every day and share in her excitement about Mothering a boy and the world that's going on around us.

Here are the rules:

1. Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
3. Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
4. Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit This Post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

So here are the 5 blogs I would like to pass this on to:

Of course if I could pass it back to Z and Me I would but I can't, but please note the sentiment is there.

1. MamaHu t, because I'm jealous of her alpacas and her husband.

Not that I don't dig my own spouse ALOT, but because her's is really hot.

Also because I think that we are sisters separated at birth (could be the marauding Gypsy's.)

Which in turn would make my attraction to her husband kind of dirty in a familial way.

2. MalfunctionJunction, I love her because the way she writes she makes me feel like I'm along for the "ride."

Also, because she throws fish at me.

3. J2B2, she makes me laugh so hard I have to worry about pee'ing in AND out of the hospital.

Honestly, I feel like she's my surgical cheer and support team and there hasn't been a post by her yet that hasn't left me "stitches."

Get it.... "stitches?"

4. Deb?, she is like my blog conscious.

Even when I changed my background to the seasonal display of squash that you see here now, her voice was ringing in my ear saying, "Sybil...."

And last but not least....

5. Georgie! Thanks to Georgie for not only entertaining me and countless others every day, but also for arranging the Secret Santa Soiree!

I A M S O E X C I T E D!

On a side note, and my wish is not to offend anyone, but I feel I must say this.

I hate Elizabeth Hasslebeck.

I realize that hate is a strong word and I would only use it if I mean it and I do.

I think she's dumb.

Election Views

2008-10-26T09:50:00.004-07:00

It almost sounds to me as though John McCain is starting to campaign on the opposing parties ticket.

Mo' Money

2008-10-25T11:57:00.006-07:00

I wish I could get a job.

I'm tired of always being broke.

I wonder if people with a lot of money appreciate having a lot of money.

I have worked since I was sixteen years old.

Worked hard, but I have never had to much money.

Mike works hard, but we never have to much money.

I wonder what you have to do to have to much money.

Let me think of someone who has to much money.

Oprah.

Oprah has enough money to give away AND go on vacation.

What does Oprah do?

Oprah talks to people.

I talk to people.

All day long.

Maybe I need to talk to more people.

I need to find more people to talk to before Christmas.

I need to get a camera crew and find more people to talk to by Christmas.

I should probably tweeze my eyebrows and wash my hair if I'm going to be talking to people.

I wonder how you raise a cash crop.

Or cash cows.

To bad there weren't cash chickens.

Or cash goats.

I'm going to go wash my hair and read the farmers Almanac.

Let me know if you have any ideas.

Blahhhhhhh Blah Blah

2008-10-22T07:46:00.002-07:00

Slow news day here on the TrailerParks Farm.
Mike is driving log truck today because groceries are slow this week.
He'll drive log truck today and tomorrow and then back to groceries Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Wyatt just got up for school and is watching Scooby Doo Werewolf for the one billionth time.
He decided he's going to be Slappy the haunted ventriloquist doll for Halloween.
Works for me, cheap and very little effort required on my part.

My arm hurts.

We put new heat lights in the goat/pig and chicken houses yesterday, it's been getting pretty chilly at night.

Nothing new with Wendy.

OH!

We watched Iron Man last night.

Sooo good.

My stomach hasn't done action flipps like that since the back seat of my Grammy's LTD on a winding road.

Sooooo.... Thats it for today.

I'll be back if Publishers Clearinghouse stops by or I happen to find out I was adopted from a roaming band of Gypsy's.

My Destiny

2008-10-21T07:26:00.006-07:00

While I was jacked out of my mind on oxy, Jesus whispered in my ear and told me what my life's purpose was.

Besides being the wife of many and bearing two children.

Now I am going to share that purpose with you.

The TrailerParks Pumpkin Patch and Petting Zoo.

Imagine......

The front pasture filled with pumpkins to the right and plenty of free parking on the left.

A spiced cider stand that also offers seasonal gourds and cornstalks as well as treats for the critters at a mere .25 a bag.

Free pictures of your children available on the website if you agree to sign this release.

What do you think?

If it goes over well, we could plant Christmas trees up by the barn and tie reindeer horns on the livestalk.

Sell hot coco and Christmas tree branches.... what are they called?

Anyway, I know people buy them and you hang them on your door or put them on your mantle.

During Easter, we could have egg hunts and egg rolls featuring the actual chickens that made the eggs and we could tie rabbit ears to all the critters (except Carlos who grew his own) I'm telling you, the possibilities are endless....

Times up for today.

Times Up!

2008-10-20T17:18:00.002-07:00

I went in for my first shoulder check today.

Doc said things were pretty ugly when he got inside and I am still at HIGH RISK for dislocations and further problems.

He kept saying "chronic."

Whatever.

He then moved forward by telling me I would need to stay in my "immobilizer" until Thanksgiving.

With a stunned look I asked him if that meant it was a bad thing that I hadn't been wearing it for almost a week.

He shot me back the same stunned look and replied that yes, it was a bad thing.

I can have my arm out of the "immobilizer" for fifteen minutes TWICE a day.

T w i c e a d a y.

Do you know how hard it is to pull my underpants up over my fat right hip every time I go to the bathroom?

Do you know how hard it is to smoke AND drink coffee with an "immobilizer?"

Do you know how long it is until Thanksgiving?

Do you know that it takes me longer than fifteen minutes to blog and that means if I blog once a day it uses up my two fifteen minute breaks and eliminates shower time?

I have to go, I'm already on borrowed time.

HellllllOOOO

2008-10-19T09:45:00.002-07:00

Ok, Mamahut talked softy and threatened me with a big stick that if I didn't get back here, she and J2B2 would take action.

I must say, all things considered, everything went pretty well.

It still hurts, they had to do more than anticipated, and I am to expect some loss of range of motion.

Thanks goes to my oldest sister who is now referring to me as Marilyn McCain.

Anyhow, so long as the m'r f'r doesn't dislocate again I'll be happy.

I DID NOT PEE!

Thats what the nurses (who were THE BEST) told me anyway.

The pain meds either made me sick or itch so bad I thought I would lose my mind.

I still have bruises from all the scratching.

Needless to say I didn't take them very long.

K, thats all for today.

Thank you everyone for being so great : )

FYI:

No bra or underpants allowed in surgery

The Break Room

2008-10-09T06:48:00.003-07:00

Ok everybody...

While I'm gone there's no reason for this place to just sit around empty.

I want you to feel free to come over here, hide from the boss or the kids, watch some videos or even just put your feet up and take a nap.

I have put together a potpourri of entertainment for your viewing pleasure.

I will be thinking about you all as I'm jacked out of my mind on narcotics for the next few days, but rest assured, as soon as I am capable of independent unattended thought and motion, I will make my way back to you.

So......

Heres a little Pearl. SO funny

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Paul and Chevy

Who can forget Luke and Laura's wedding?

My FAVORITE feel good song, enjoy!

Peas Out

2008-10-08T08:17:00.003-07:00

Ok everyone.

This is it.

Tomorrow is the day.

This is the last "live" post as I have auto posted a little something for you tomorrow.

If by some chance this turns out to be soap opera surgery and I die during the procedure, you guys can divvy up my blog roll, awards and photographs and take what you want.

If I don't die, I should be back in couple weeks.

Thats it.

I'm not going to say anything else because I don't want to cry.

What if I pee on the table under anesthesia.

Does that ever happen?

K, now I'm starting to cry and I don't know if it's because I'm afraid I'm going to pee on the table or I'm sad to say goodbye.

Both.

I'll miss talking to you guys every day and hearing all your stories, thoughts and adventures.

To bad you can't TiVO blogs and have them played back on audio.

Would that be BLiVO?

Ok, I'm going now.

Gawd it's always so hard to say good bye.

Remember in Terms of Endearment when Deborah Winger say's "pull away slow Flap" and he floors it.

I need somebody to floor it for me.

bye.

The Upper Half

2008-10-07T07:21:00.007-07:00

It was not my intention to have this be lingerie week, but now it is.

So, today's topic is Brassieres

The most important thing about a bra is the fit.

I watch a lot of Bravo T.V and I know how crucial a proper fitting bra can be.

I am a little on the larger side, and because of that I do mail order bras.

The only place I've seen bras on the rack that fit me was Las Vegas.

So anyway, it's worth it for me to have the Mail Lady deliver my upper foundation garments as opposed to having one giant lumpy mega-breast and wire marks in my armpits from an ill fitting Wal-Mart bra.

My bras are of the four to five hook and shoulder pad variety.

That can make running them kind of tricky

I have to hook it up backwards and then do the spin around with a drop and tuck to get everything lined up right.

That's my going to town bra.

I also have sleeping bras and around the house bras.

What?

Like you didn't see that coming.

My sleeping bras are super soft, don't have any wires and are shiny and silky.

I would compare my sleeping bras to the ladies of the fifties wrapping their head in toilet paper and sleeping on satin pillow cases so as not to mess up their hairdo.

You don't want any drag while your sleeping.

Continued support, yet ease of movement.

My casual around the house bras are more structured like my town bras, but don't offer the same lift and separation.

Those town bras are expensive and I wouldn't want to waste them on feeding the chickens or walking the pig.

Often times though an old town bra will be demoted to an around the house bra.

It is very important that I mention, when my husband does laundry, he can properly identify each and every bra.

Unlike underpants, I don't have an issue with some people going braless.

If your breasts are comparable in size to those of a thirteen year old boy, you have a pass.

Any bigger than that, no pass.

*needless information*

1. My friend Lindy hooks up, steps into and pulls up her bra.

2. I have another friend who puts her bra on like a shirt, over her head.

3. None of the pictures featured are of me

Under Where?

2008-10-06T08:57:00.012-07:00

Lets talk about underpants.

I have underpants OCD.

I have town underpants, home underpants and sleeping underpants.

For going to town, I like to have a firm control "slimming" low cut on the leg, high rise on the belly underpants to avoid the ever feared ass ate my underwear and stretch pants appearance.

For around the house I prefer a cotton high rise (two to three inches over my belly button) soft cotton, wide elastic type of underpants.

For sleeping, I favor the around the house type but one size larger to allow for comfortable easy movement while I sleep.

*Always wear underpants to bed in case of fire*

I am a firm believer in old school undergarments.

A sturdy bra that should fit snugly three to four fingers above the elastic of your underpants.

I actually spend an unhealthy amount of time contemplating other peoples underpants.

Why would you bother wearing a thong and how come you can buy thong pantyliners?

Then theres these.

Why buy these when you can just wear your husbands underpants and save yourself a few bucks.

Ok, you knew I had to go here.

I don't want to, but if one is to discuss underpants in a public forum, one must also address the lack there of.

Please don't do it.

It makes me nervous even thinking about it.

If your inclined to go commando or even sitting here now bare down there, think of your Mother and go put on some underpants.

And The Winner Is...

2008-10-03T06:32:00.011-07:00

Showdown in St.Louis

Nary a word about who was better.

I think everybodys hair a make-up looked great.

I think they both showed courtesy and restraint.

And, I think my team is winning.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Battle In Beavercreek

Wendy and I had our first sit down last night.

Much like our counterparts in St.Louis, we kept things controlled and courteous.

No gaffes, no laughs, but we're talking again.

And, my team seams to be winning.

Wyatt stayed home from school yesterday.

He has been really bent up over the whole Wendy situation, so when he launched into the 47 reasons he didn't want to go yesterday I stopped him around #7 and said "ok."

He shot me that concearned have you lost your mind did you just say ok look and asked me..

Ok what?

Ok you can stay home.

Today?

Yes, today.

Thats when he said it.

You know, those words we live for that make all the crap part of this job worthwhile.

Envision doves flying and angels singing........

"Your the best mom in the whole world. I love you."

I can assume he was right too, because I got new carpet in the lounge yesterday and worked things out with the neighbor Wendy.

All in all, it was a best mom in the world kind of day!

Political Pause

2008-10-02T08:08:00.004-07:00

No blog today.

I am emotionally preparing for the train wreck debate tonight.

It should be interesting.

Pause for the Cause

2008-10-01T15:36:00.005-07:00

My husband is pulling the plug until tomorrow afternoon.

We're getting NEW carpet in the lounge!!

So, he has to yard everything out of here so he can rip the stinky old carpet out and prep for Carlos the Carpet Man tomorrow.

That means Mac will have to sit on the kitchen table until the work is done.

Gotta go!

Never mind, as soon as the shaking and sweating set in he hooked me back up.
I just need to Google a few things and get some RSS in me and I'll be fine.