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Well, I have to say these have been some rough days.
I have no witty banter or funny stories to tell.
My heart has been filled with sadness at the rapid Delcine in GK's health.
Hospice was here on Tuesday and made the decision to admit him into a five day respite facility to evaluate his medications and see how much pain medication he can tolerate.
His cancer has metastasized from his shoulders to his legs and is doing a number on his kidneys and liver as well.
Tuesday night and yesterday were a pretty rough go, but they kept telling me what a trooper he was and how charming he is.
He doesn't seem realize he isn't at home, and doesn't remember his poodles.
I went in to see him this morning, and like I told my sister, when he saw me he lit up like Frosty the Snowman when he put on his magic hat.
He was so happy and so right on in his wrongness. No pain, no worries, no sadness.
He was telling me how nice his "house" was, pointing out all the lovely furniture and surroundings.
He asked me how things were going at my house and how the family was.
He was happy to hear that Wendy was tending bar and how he thought that was a perfect job with that outgoing personality of hers.
He asked if Wyatt was in school yet and told me repeatedly how smart and artistic he thought Wyatt was.
He wondered what Mike was doing and if he was still milking cows (I just said yes ;)
We sat and drank coffee as he told me about the days he worked in the shipyards (he was a butcher, but my Grammy was a welder during the war) and all the fun times they had.
We laughed as we talked about old times that I can't remember, but times that have come back to bring him joy, so wherever he leads, I will follow and just be happy he invited me to dance.
These have been two of the hardest years of my life, but looking back I can see that they were also two of the best.
So today I'm going outside.
I will fire up the DVR and watch my stories tonight.
I'm going to listen to the birds and dig in the dirt.
I'm going to play with the Garcia's and chase the ducks with a hose.
I'm going to drink pink lemonade on the patio with my son and dream of Honey-do's for my Husband
I'm not going to worry about what will be, I am going to get every bit of joy from what is.
Ciao'
7 comments:
"I'm not going to worry about what will be, I am going to get every bit of joy from what is."
That you can inspire me, even when things are rough, to do the same is something I am grateful for.
i feel like i never know what to say about these things, but reading about what you're family is going through right now is both totally heartbreaking and wonderful. it sounds weird, but i'm just glad you guys get to go through it together, and i'm so glad you get to be with your grampy. i'm thinking super-good-awesome thoughts about you in my neck of the woods!
Aw, what a great post. I'm welling :) Hope you enjoy the birds and the dirt.
wow, first of all thank you for coming by my site today, i am always happy to meet new and exciteing blogger buddies.....
I too have experienced this, hospice i mean, with my gma and gpa (i am assumeing GK is your grandfather) its so crazy how they seem oblivious to what is going on around them, but it always amazes me at how peaceful they seem there, its as if God gives us these last moments with them, where they are painless, and remember things they never would have.
It sounds almost morbid, but i was with my gpa when he took his last breathe, i even told him "its okay papa grannys waiting" it was then that he went, i often panic when i think about that moment, was he waiting to hear that because he was scared.
I dont know...i understand your grief but also your joy in the time spent.
I will pray for you and your family in this time.....
ill be back for sure!!!
Nothing will make you feel better than thinking of things to make your husband do.
Hope you were able to enjoy your pink lemonade and focus on the wonderful side of Grampy's life.
I love you.
I'm so sorry to hear about Grandpa's decline. I went through something very similar with mine and your story brings back bittersweet memories.
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